Love letter for my soldier

Do I know love? Maybe I do. But maybe not the way you do… or maybe I just simply have no idea. But there’s one thing I’m sure about, and it’s that… I do know the love of all my lives. I know my soul mate, how I know we’ve run together in the fields of gold, and how I remember the way we make love in a library. And if wasn’t enough his love to kill me, one day his death finally ended with me. Then, I was forced to live again, saying forced I mean someone convinced me, and I don’t remember how I said yes. And here I am, 21th century, thinking what I was thinking…

I know him better than any other word, and I need him even more than I need words. I cannot, not to know him, because, then, I wouldn’t exist. And by knowing him I’m obligate to loving his soul with my ultimate bone. But… without him, I wouldn’t exist. Not in the way I do. Not in the way I almost feel the fingers of Frederic in my back when he plays his nocturnes, or the way I drink a glass of beer with Charles when I feel sad and violent, or how I stay ages, just standing, in a museum of Santiago with the guy that remembers me you. Alex the statue. I don’t remember his face, if someone asks, but that’s not important… “There’s other things in the world, more than your philosophy can ever dream”, said a guy in some phrase of hamlet, or it was Romeo and Juliet? There are plenty of things I know… and I have never seen them. I can’t explain it, and if I try, it would be worthless, because it's not necessary; it’s the way you know you die for someone even if you haven’t meet death. I have never seen Beethoven, but I know how he feels when we play Claire De Lune for piano. I know Pachelbel knows that I cry when he plays for me his cannon... I know moths are staring at me for some magic and universal reason, and for the most powerful thing that's in the planet; they came especially for me tonight. As my soul mate does.

...I know my soul is old, as I know that sword in your young body broke my mind in two, and I just can’t fix it… and the hundreds of years I have lived, starting over again and then again, on and on, just make me loving you more, and this heart beat gets faster and faster and it's going to explode everything around me, and everything else gets out of focus, but you. When I'm feeling you... in our river edge, i find my missing piece, and suddenly I’m one, and not two. I am the only one, and the one inside is yours, forever and completely yours.

I have to tell you, heartily,

I would not exist, and if I did, there would be no point in that existence...

But you love me too much... and you have gone because you don't want to tie me to a dead lover, but it's not your fault that we have fused into one. I don’t care if you don’t come anymore, because i have no choice than loving you like I do. And now... pretending you moved into a new spirit, you have to know that if you come or not, it's no difference: I can’t love for real to other different than you. Because I’m always waiting you.

Dearest: I know you can hear this… As I know I love you more than anything… in a way you can't comprehend because in the infinity of the universe this is even deepest. I love you in unhealthy ways even when you are the thing I know less. My Love; save me, I don’t like this world.

Eternally yours.